Hospice Christ
These words rise up.
She who has given a moment to God finds herself embraced in the arms of The Everlasting.
I have given this pause, one little thought offered on the altar, more of a cry for love than love extended, and yet It opens, even now in the midst of pain and death, the One Perfect Thought which I do not think, but feel as the enveloping Love of God.
All my little prayers and meditations appear before me like a handful of sand on a vast unchartered Beach. God is infinite possibility no matter where I look, and the whole Vision of His Love overwhelming with beauty and strength. I am mindful that each tiny granule, like each loving Thought shared, has its perfect place, indwelling in God. I am mindful that the prayers and meditations together are one Power.
Dear Hearts,
I write from Florida having traveled from California and a pre-wedding celebration, to my mama’s side. We have put her in hospice, a decision made with child-like clarity about the nature of Life and the uselessness of suffering. There is a story…always stories and miracles and understandings deeper than the divine order that greets us as we surrender to what is.
The first call for help came as my daughter was trying on wedding dresses. My sister had just put down her dog. She was grieving. Soon after a text. Mama was agitated, fearful and acting out. My sister who does the lion’s share of caretaking, needed some time to grieve.
I often call Mom at night when sundowners lurks in the shadows of her mind and fills her with foreboding. Most times I am successful at restoring peace. But this particular moment belonged to my daughter. I had come across the country for this rite of passage, gathered with a gaggle of excited women for the shopping experience of a lifetime. Kelsey had booked a posh salon. As she walked the run way we ooohed and aaahed. Every gown she tried on looked stunning. Joy brought me to tears.
My phone started banging. I answered, slipping behind fat rows of bejeweled dresses, talking low, doing my best to be present with both my mother and daughter. Mama was a fearful wreck, ranting and trying to lock the aide out of the house.
Kelsey called, Mama, where are you? Do you like this one?
Be right there. I love it! You are breathtakingly beautiful!
I made a decision…one that I saw in a vision a long time ago. I would be present with my daughter and leave my mother in the hands of the aide. I understood psychically that this would be fatal. I also knew it was my perfect part in our story. I prayed for a moment and tasted peace.
Kelsey called again. Be right there, babes!
I spoke with soft certainty to Mama. Please go to bed. If you continue this way you will fall and that will be the end of your life. Please trust me. You are safe in your bed. She screamed, No, no, no!
I pressed the cells red X seeing all the events unfolding. Mom fell. Paramedics came, she was hospitalized with a broken hip. Kelsey bought that very gown and train, the one I suggested at that terrible/wonderful moment, the robe of an angel. We drank champagne and raised a toast. My sister called with the news within a half hour. That evening I booked my flight on the red eye to Boca.
We have opted not to have surgery…but placed Mama in hospice. This, an answer to a prayer whispered years ago, a decision made as we held hands and prayed together for the Will of God. Dementia has given us lessons in letting go as the body wearies and becomes its own liability. Dementia has made us radically examine the meaning of dignity.
The body-mind, though our home here on earth is not What we are. God made us in His image. Our Life is eternal Spirit. Grace is given us to make the transition peacefully. Love does not ever call for pain, but meets us with Answer exactly where we hurt. Life never ends but form changes and gives way to
truth. Sometimes love looks like a turn for the worst, but then a turn for the worst moves appears as the best.
Mom is resting as comfortably as possible at Trust-Bridge. It has been a wild ride, our only certain grip, the anchor of His Love. It is well with my heart. Jess is with me, indeed, the Hospice Christ. The sweetness of His miracles float above the bitter dregs of drama. What else is a miracle but the remembrance of God when the world screams He is cruel or worse dead? What is our part but to hold the drop of His essence, even if the entire ocean runs dry?
His Essence sustains me. I have a reservoir of Love to share.
This means that I will be away for some time yet, and not knowing my return. I will miss some Christmas parties and adventures with you this season. I am sorry there will be no ACIM meeting this Thursday. But oh how blessed I am to feel the circle of Life, birthing Christ in the bowels death, feeling the hope of humanity, becoming witness of eternal Life.
How grateful I am for the gifts of family and every grain of sand on the Beach of our heart-felt Communication.
Do not miss the advent opportunity. Vision His coming through the womb of your open heart.
Give a moment to God and find yourself embraced in the arms of The Everlasting
I love you.
I appreciate you.
MaryBeth