Dear Heart,
I have meditated.
I have come to the deck at the back of the house.
I am aware that I carry a thin puff of an old belief,
as If a crushed cigarette continues to waft smoke into clear mind,
just a little ribbon of gray spiraling up from somewhere,
the residue of a habit I thought I had put out.
Sitting here on this bench, I feel a little disoriented. I see thoughts long gone, put under the foot of Divine Mother, and yet that butt clings to Her Sole. From this seeing, questions arise:
What if I am worthy of the name Christ?
What if I did not believe Unity Consciousness unreachable, a struggle to achieve, an accomplishment that others have and I do not?
What if it is right here, exactly where I am, as I am?
What if I stopped trying to grasp awakening, or to ignite experience?
Could I just let go of trying and let Love be?
What if every expression of life, this beautiful sun beaming down on my shoulders, the heat emanating from the deck, the color of my skin browning, the glimmering sheen of the leaves on the trees…
what if everything is already expressing God? Why not me? Why not us?
When I want something badly, the wanting is evidence that I do not have it.
When you dismiss yourself as incapable, unworthy, not deep or pure enough,
you are giving evidence, evidence from the false mind… you don’t have it.
I have it. I am it. This awakening we call Christ is the Conscious embrace of myself as Child of God, Beloved of Life. There is nothing else I can Be, nothing but a whiff of smoke to distract me. That cigarette has already been crushed.
All around me, a Witness takes shape. Everywhere I look a tree waves, a rock presides, summer birds look at me and chatter. Willing to know every aspect of creation in its true nature, I find my Self extending. I give life, value, divinity to each part and each feels of me, so close we are undivided.
How do I claim such Consciousness? I do not. It cannot be claimed It comes of itself when I drop the smallness, the struggle, the fear of being incapable. It comes of Itself because True Self goes nowhere. It is here, waiting like a Lover in the night, patient for my eyes to open.
As I speak of it there is a tiny tremor through my heart, as if something monumental is occurring and oh God, my life is changing! This thought too I breathe through, aware that separated mind gives way to marriage in Christ. Each part of me lovingly embraced, becomes One in Expression, complete in giving.
Oh See now! Something monumental has already occurred! I See it in the ordinary, the simple. Love becomes me. Love clothes me. I am the occurrence, the Presence, Christ appearing on earth, as clear and real as a cool September morning. I am Love, nothing more, nothing less. How blessed.
All Love,
MaryBeth